


Squalo's Night Out

by Shadow15



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 08:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15968603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow15/pseuds/Shadow15
Summary: Squalo decides he needs a break from babysitting and goes out drinking with his friends, but as usual, the world shows him just how much it hates him when Levi can get picked up, but he can't.





	Squalo's Night Out

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally meant to be for one of my stories, but I couldn’t fit it in anywhere without completely going off track.  So it’s just a standalone now.

“You shouldn’t drink so much, Squalo; it’s not healthy for you.” Dino frowned as he watched his best friend down another glass of wine.  He knew Squalo was stressed – but really, couldn’t Squalo deal with it in a more positive manner? 

Squalo grumbled as he slammed his glass down onto the table and glared at the hordes of strangers dancing to the music of the nightclub.  “Fucking little shit he is… Stresses me to no end!” 

“You know I’ll take Bel for a few days if you need me to,” Dino promised, speaking in as gentle a tone he could muster; Squalo was only too easy to agitate, and in this situation, he would be more irritable than usual.  “Just tell me when to expect him and he can stay with me.” 

Squalo muttered something incomprehensible before he looked up, finding two women approaching their table.  Narrowing his eyes, he spoke in a tone thick with dislike. “Fucking sluts…” 

Dino frowned at the other’s attitude.  He shushed Squalo so the newcomers wouldn’t overhear; the last thing he needed was for Squalo to start a fight.  The two women did indeed approach their table, but while they greeted Dino and Lussuria joyfully, they ignored Squalo completely before turning to Xanxus.  

“Hey, big boy; looking for a good time tonight?”  The flirty grins on their faces made Squalo want to throw something at them.

Squalo tightened his grip on his wine glass as Xanxus stood up and left the table without a word.  He chewed at his lip and, with a now-shaking hand, he raised his glass and quickly gulped down more wine in an attempt to forget everything.  

“Please make sure my friend gets home safely tonight.” Dino was as charming as ever as he addressed the women before turning his attention back to Squalo.  He smiled shyly as he patted his friend’s knee. “There, there, Squalo; you’ll find someone one day.”

“Why does  _ he  _ always get picked up but  _ I  _ never do?” Squalo’s tone grew louder as his agitation quickly built; he hated coming out with Xanxus because it was guaranteed that Xanxus would be leaving with a woman or four, and Squalo would be forced to walk home by himself.  

“It’s because you always look so angry and pissed off, hon~” Lussuria smiled.  He reached out to curl soft silver locks around his finger as he purred, “If you let yourself look more approachable, all the woman would flock to you~  If it makes you feel any better, I would let you fuck me and vice versa~”

“Fuck off, fag!” Squalo thumped the table with his fists before turning back to Dino.  “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been laid, Bucking Horse?”

“Ah… I’m not sure I really want to know, Squalo…” 

Ignoring these words, Squalo continued on.  “Bel fucking scares everyone off, so I resort to my fucking hand and more often than not I can’t even find the time to do so, let alone finish, because the creepy little shit follows me everywhere and hides in weird places so he can watch!  Can’t even close the fucking bedroom door without having to check for him under my bed or in my closet! I’m gonna fucking kill him one of these days!” 

“As I said, I will look after him so you can have time to yourself.” Trying to erase the images Squalo had created in his mind, Dino shook his head.  “Any time you need me, Squalo; it’s never a problem.” 

“Might fucking take you up on that offer…  Might actually get to watch some fucking porn for once…” 

“Ohoho~  Tell me more, dear~” Lussuria rubbed his hands together, about to speak again before a man came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

Squalo made an agitated sound as Lussuria stood up and blew them both kisses in farewell.  He downed another three glasses of wine before he turned to Dino in disbelief. “Can you fucking believe this?!  Even the fag gets picked up!” 

“Yes, but –“

“Fucking  _ Levi,  _ too?!” People turned to stare as Squalo’s shout drowned out the blaring music.  Squalo swiped his glass to the floor before he grabbed the entire bottle of wine and raised it to his lips to finish it as fast as he could.

Dino just laughed nervously, not sure what to say.  “Umm, Squalo…? Maybe we should go home now… I’m sure you’ve had enough to drink.”

“Fuck off!” Squalo dropped the now empty jug to the table and let his face fall onto the hardwood as a deep wave of depression wafted him.  He lifted his head so that his dark eyes could only just be seen, and he muttered, “You’re a fag, too, Bucking Horse; why aren’t I getting picked up?” 

“Ahaha…  I guess I kind of agree with Lussuria on this one…” Rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, Dino laughed nervously again.  “You’re scaring all the girls off because you’re being yourself… So I guess…  _ don’t _ be yourself…?” 

Squalo dropped his face again, the depression suffocating.   


End file.
